Why the Movie Adolescence Scared Me as Christian Mother

Are We Raising Our Sons in a Way That Harms Our Daughters?

I recently watched a series called Adolescence on Netflix (you'll want to VidAngel it). Its raw, dark portrayal left me deeply unsettled, not because of sensationalism, but because certain underlying themes resonated with an uncomfortable familiarity. It wasn't about shared experiences on the surface, but about the quiet, often unseen seeds planted in childhood that can grow in the shadows.

As a mother within a conservative church community where homeschooling is prevalent, I’ve always valued the security and structure our traditions provide. Our emphasis on family, faith, and the protection of innocence is something we rightly hold dear. But as one mother to another, I feel compelled to speak a challenging truth: sometimes, the very culture we cherish can inadvertently cultivate something deeply damaging—something we hesitate to name, something we might believe is impossible within "good Christian homes." Yet, it can happen, and it does.

The term is "incel" culture, and if it's unfamiliar to you, please pay close attention. Ignoring it will not make it disappear.

Understanding the Shadows: What is Incel Culture?

"Incel" is an abbreviation for "involuntarily celibate," initially describing someone, typically a young man, who desires romantic or sexual relationships but feels unable to attain them. However, the term has evolved to represent a far more profound and perilous mindset than simple loneliness.

Within online communities, the incel movement often breeds intense resentment, particularly directed towards women. Many within this ideology view women as objects who unjustly withhold affection and intimacy. They perceive themselves as victims, assigning blame to women and expressing rage towards the world. What begins as private suffering can tragically escalate into bitterness, a sense of entitlement, and even violence.

Red Flags: Recognizing Potential Warning Signs

As parents, we need to be vigilant. Here are some indicators that might suggest a young person is engaging with or adopting aspects of this harmful mindset:

• Extensive engagement in online forums, especially those characterized by the degradation of women or discussions of male dominance hierarchies.
• The expression of cynical or hostile views regarding women or relationships.
• An excessive focus on virginity, sex, and power dynamics.
• The belief that a person's worth is primarily determined by physical appearance or social status.
• Withdrawal from meaningful real-world connections.
• Underlying depression or profound loneliness masked by outward anger.
• The frequent use of phrases such as "nice guys finish last" or "all women are attracted to 'jerks.'"

These indicators might seem extreme, but it's crucial to understand that this type of thinking often starts subtly, with seemingly innocuous jokes, unchallenged viewpoints, and silence in situations where truth should be spoken.

The Battle for Their Minds: The Influence of Digital Content

We must acknowledge, mothers, that there is a spiritual battle underway, and one of the primary fronts is the screen your child holds in their hands.

Pornography and subtly demeaning content can shape a boy's perception of women long before he fully comprehends what he is viewing. Social media, memes, certain YouTube personalities, and even seemingly harmless games and group chats can contribute to a skewed understanding. They can inadvertently teach that women are for entertainment rather than respect, for use rather than genuine relationship.

We need to awaken to the spiritual implications of what our children are consuming digitally.

Yes, these conversations can be uncomfortable. But we must ask direct questions: "What are you watching?" and "How does it make you feel?" We cannot address what we are unwilling to discuss openly.

Tools like parental monitoring apps and screen accountability software can be helpful, but they are secondary to open and honest conversations. We need to engage frequently and prayerfully, speaking truth without shame.

Why Our Christian Communities Can Be Vulnerable

It is difficult to say, but it is vital: our conservative Christian homeschool communities, despite being rooted in love and good intentions, can unintentionally create conditions where this type of distorted thinking can take root.

• Isolation: Many homeschooled children have limited social circles during their formative years, often interacting primarily within co-ops, church events, and structured activities. While this can shield them from negative influences, it can also hinder their development of navigating the complexities of real-world relationships.
• Over-emphasis on Marriage: From a young age, some boys are taught that the ultimate goal of interacting with girls is to find a "godly wife." Well-intentioned statements like, "We're sending him to a Christian college so he can find a godly girl," can create immense pressure. What happens if he doesn't find someone? If he feels unchosen? Does he internalize this as failure or believe that women are unfairly rejecting him?
• Pressure of Courtship Culture: Within some circles, relationships are only validated if they are explicitly heading towards marriage. Even simple, healthy friendships between boys and girls can be subject to intense scrutiny. The joy of casual interaction, group activities, and simply getting to know someone without the pressure of finding a spouse can be lost.
• Comparison and the Feeling of Being Left Behind: In close-knit communities, milestones like engagements, marriages, and births are readily apparent. If a young man in his early to mid-twenties remains single, he may easily feel like an outsider, as if he has missed a crucial step or that there is something inherently wrong with him.
• Digital Content Filling the Void: When we avoid open conversations about healthy intimacy, dating, and emotions, the internet will readily step in to fill the silence—and it will not offer truth.

When this potential for isolation is combined with teachings that disproportionately emphasize women's modesty over men's responsibility for self-control, it becomes easier to understand how frustration can fester into resentment.

A Critical Look Within

Here is where the conversation becomes even more uncomfortable: sometimes, unintentionally, we lay the groundwork for this harmful mindset.

• When our teaching on modesty overshadows the importance of inherent human dignity.
• When our focus on purity neglects the cultivation of compassion.
• When we primarily define women as homemakers and overlook their identity as image-bearers of God.
• We often raise girls to be self-protective but fail to equally teach boys to honor, value, and recognize the complete humanity of the opposite sex. We can inadvertently treat sexual sin as solely the woman's burden. We can mistake control for genuine holiness. In doing so, we risk making sex an idol by concealing it, shaming it, or discussing it in hushed tones rather than through the lens of biblical truth.
• We frequently emphasize modesty for girls but neglect to equally emphasize self-control for boys.
• We can subtly or overtly imply that it is a girl's responsibility to manage a boy's thoughts. But our daughters are not temptresses. They are not obstacles to their "brothers" in Christs faith. They are beloved daughters of God, created in His image and deserving of the same respect and dignity we desire for our sons.

Scripture offers clear guidance on this. In Matthew 5:28–29, Jesus states:

“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you…” (NKJV)  

Jesus did not say, "Ensure the woman covers herself adequately." He placed the responsibility squarely on the observer, not the observed. This is a sobering and crucial truth.

Our Responsibility: As Parents, As Christians

1. Teach your sons that women are not objects or rewards to be won. They are not "owed" anything—not attention, not affection, not even a smile. Genesis 1:27 declares: "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."   
   
   
2. Teach your daughters that their worth is not diminished. They are not defined by what they withhold. They are strong, wise, and also created in God's image. Proverbs 31:25 affirms: "Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come."
3. Do not dismiss concerning behavior. If you notice your child becoming isolated, obsessive, or expressing excessive anger or apathy, please do not delay seeking help. Counseling is not a failure of faith; it can be an expression of God's grace. James 4:17 reminds us: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."
4. Monitor their digital lives with love and wisdom, not just fear. Utilize tools for accountability, but more importantly, cultivate trust. Be a safe haven where they can bring their questions, even the difficult ones.

My Earnest Plea

I write this not from a place of judgment, but with a trembling hand and a heart full of prayer. This issue is critical. I have witnessed the pain that arises when young people suffer in silence and when parents prioritize outward appearances over confronting difficult truths.

If you fear this might be happening in your own home—or if you simply want to ensure it does not—begin the conversation. Turn off the distractions. Truly listen to your children's hearts. Ask the tough questions. Speak truthfully about who they are in Christ. Speak truthfully about who God is.

As a mother of a daughter, I beg you to raise sons who are not ashamed to feel and daughters who are not afraid to speak. Let us raise children who understand the true meaning of love—not just romantic love, but the selfless, Christlike love that values another person's soul above all else.

And let us commit to fervent prayer—that the Lord would safeguard their hearts, guide their paths, and grant us the courage to parent with both clarity and compassion.

With love and hope,

SparkledSalt.

Matthew 5:13–16