The Love God Calls Husbands to Give
Easter brings us back to the cross. We remember the sacrifice of Christ, the depth of His love, and the obedience that carried Him all the way to death. “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 2:8, NKJV). The love Jesus showed for us is breathtaking. "Father, forgive them".
It is sobering that Scripture calls husbands love their wives in the same way Christ loved the Church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV).
The love Christ had for His church is the pattern God gives for a husband’s love for his wife. His mercy. His patience. His suffering. His surrender. His faithfulness. His sacrifice. Yet so much of what men hear about their role can get reduced to providing, leading, earning, deciding, and directing. Those things may have their place, but Scripture presses deeper. A husband is called to give himself. He is called to love with tenderness, humility, sacrifice, attentiveness, purity, and faithfulness.
That is a serious calling, and many men have not treated it with the seriousness it deserves. Some have drifted through marriage with an outward sense of responsibility while missing the heart of what God requires. There may be hard work, leadership, and provision, yet very little self-denial, very little tenderness, and very little care. A man may look responsible from the outside and still fail to love his wife in a way that reflects Christ.
So husbands, here is the question.
If you held up a mirror to your marriage, would it reflect the love Christ had for His church?
Would it reflect sacrificial love, tenderness, patience, faithfulness, and care?
Or would it reveal something far different?
Marriage Is One of God’s Clearest Pictures
The Bible treats marriage with tremendous seriousness because God uses it as a picture of something eternal. In Ephesians 5, Paul says marriage speaks of “Christ and the Church.” Revelation 19 speaks of the marriage supper of the Lamb. Revelation 21 describes the holy city as “prepared as a bride adorned for her husband” and also calls her “the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” Revelation 22 says, “the Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’”
That alone should make husbands slow down and take their role seriously. A husband’s love is meant to reflect something true about Jesus.
When Marriage Teaching Misses the Weight of It
A lot of church teaching has no problem speaking to wives. It often addresses conduct in the home, daily faithfulness, child rearing, service, gentleness, and support. Lots of self denial. Yet husbands can sometimes receive a much thinner version of their role. Provide. Lead. Work hard. Make decisions. Stay in charge.
That falls far short of the biblical picture.
Scripture gives husbands a sober, holy, sacrificial charge. The husband’s role is serious. It is not casual. It is not self-centered. It is not a free pass to receive honor while giving little of himself in return. Ephesians 5 does not call husbands to command like Christ. It calls them to love like Christ.
This also needs to be said clearly. None of this excuses sinful behavior from wives. It is not permission for women to act foolishly, harshly, selfishly, or disrespectfully. Wives answer to God too. Marriage calls both husband and wife to die to self. Yet husbands need to hear plainly that their role carries enormous weight before the Lord.
What the Bible Says About Marriage Roles
The Bible gives clear instruction for marriage with wisdom and balance.
Wives are called to respect their husbands and submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. Husbands are also told to love their wives as their own bodies and to nourish and cherish them. Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” First Peter 3:7 says husbands must dwell with their wives “with understanding,” giving honor to them as “heirs together of the grace of life.” First Corinthians 7 teaches mutual faithfulness and mutual marital responsibility.
These roles are good, and they are weighty. A husband’s headship is never permission for selfishness, harshness, domination, passivity, or emotional distance. Christ’s headship over the church is righteous, purposeful, tender, and sacrificial. That is the model.
Sometimes a husband is called to love this way even in the middle of difficulty, disappointment, or the imperfect behavior of his wife. That does not erase wisdom, boundaries, or accountability in serious situations. It does mean a husband’s calling is not built on whether loving well feels easy that day.
Good Intentions Do Not Erase Neglect
A husband’s public usefulness does not cancel his private calling to Christlike love in his home. This needs to be said plainly. Some marriages are harmed by men who are widely considered good men.
They are active at church.
They are involved in ministry.
They are generous with others.
They are kind in public.
They are dependable.
And their wives are lonely. Their wives feel unseen. Their wives carry the emotional and practical load of family life with very little tenderness or support. They learn to expect scraps of time, affection, and attention after everyone else has been served.
This kind of neglect often hides behind sincerity. The husband may truly believe he is doing well because he is busy doing worthwhile things. Yet a neglected wife still feels neglected. A distant husband still leaves a wound. A home deprived of care still suffers.
I have seen marriages strained, and even destroyed, by men who devote themselves to good things while their wives slowly whither into the background. Church work can become one of those things. A man may be active, generous, and admired in public while his marriage is starving in private. He may believe he is serving God faithfully while his wife is carrying the emotional and practical weight of the home alone.
As a married person, I understand 1 Corinthians 7 in a deeper way than I once did. Paul says to the unmarried and widows that it is good for them to remain as he is, not to shame marriage but because a good marriage takes work and time. As a single Christian I did have more time to do all the "things". Marriage and family come with real responsibilities. When children are added, there is far less time and energy to devote to work outside the home without something being neglected. That is not a complaint against marriage. It is simply the truth. Family life requires presence, attention, sacrifice, and care.
That is why Christian service must be approached with wisdom. One of the best things a Christian couple can do is find ways to serve together, or to include the family when possible. Service to God should strengthen the home, not quietly drain it. Church work and extended family obligations should never become excuses for neglecting the people God has already entrusted to your care.
Marriage is work. It is sacrifice. It is beautiful, and at times it is painful. It asks both husband and wife to lay down selfishness again and again. A husband cannot love his wife well on autopilot. He cannot assume provision is enough. He cannot assume good intentions are enough. He cannot assume church activity is enough. His wife needs his presence, his tenderness, his steadiness, and his care.
Five Ways Christ Loved the Church and What That Means for Husbands
1. Christ gave Himself for the Church
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV). Jesus gave Himself. He did not cling to comfort. He laid down His life.
For husbands, this means love is costly. It shows up in ordinary places. It looks like patience when you are tired, gentleness when you are frustrated, honesty during conflict, restraint in speech, and faithful care when life feels heavy. A husband’s question should be simple: How can I give myself for her good?
2. Christ sought the Church’s Holiness
Ephesians 5 says Christ gave Himself for the church “that He might sanctify and cleanse her.” Christ’s love is holy and pure. It works for the good of His people.
A husband cannot sanctify his wife the way Christ does, yet he should live in a way that supports holiness in the home. His conduct should encourage truth, repentance, purity, and faithfulness. He should never be the main source of spiritual disorder in his house through lust, lies, anger, selfishness, or hypocrisy. His presence should make it easier to pursue godliness.
3. Christ Nourishes and Cherishes the Church
Ephesians 5:29 says Christ “nourishes and cherishes” the church. Those words are warm and personal. Christ cares for His bride with tenderness.
A husband should do the same. He should care for his wife as a whole person. He should know her burdens, fears, hopes, weariness, and needs. He should pay attention to her emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing. He should treat her as precious. She is not just the one keeping family life running. She is his wife. She is a fellow heir of the grace of life.
4. Christ is Faithful to His Bride
Scripture presents Christ as steadfast and covenant-keeping. The church is secure in His love. Revelation gives us the beautiful picture of the marriage supper of the Lamb and the bride prepared for Him in glory.
Faithfulness in marriage includes more than avoiding adultery. It includes emotional steadiness, loyalty, presence, integrity, and affection that is truly at home. A man can remain married in name while leaving his wife alone in many other ways. A faithful husband gives his wife confidence in his love, attention, devotion, and character.
5. Christ Acts with Purpose for the Good of His Bride
Christ’s love is purposeful. He leads, protects, prepares, and brings His people toward glory. A husband should live with that same sense of responsibility. He should think about the spiritual health of his home. He should care about peace in the household, wise decision-making, financial stewardship, and the strength of the marriage bond. He should not drift through family life while his wife carries the full weight of keeping everything together.
Leadership is responsibility carried with love.
A Loving Charge to Husbands
Husbands your role is serious.
Love your wife with tenderness.
Love her with honor.
Love her with patience.
Love her with faithfulness.
Love her with humility.
Love her with action.
Love her in a way that tells the truth about Jesus.
Be quick to repent when you fail. Ask your wife where she feels cared for and where she feels alone. Listen carefully. Stay in the conversation. Resist the urge to defend yourself too quickly. Let the truth do its work. Do not hide behind provision, church attendance, public service, or good intentions. Your wife is not just a helper in your life, she is a soul entrusted to your care in covenant. Love her in a way that reflects the Savior you claim to follow.
Easter reminds us what sacrificial love looks like and the joy of the resurrection. I pray Christian husbands remember that, and may Christian marriages show it.