If you grew up in the era of purity culture, you’re probably familiar with the idea of “saving yourself for marriage.” It was everywhere—youth group talks, church retreats, even purity rings (not my jam at all). The message seemed clear: your body is a gift you’re meant to save for your future spouse. While well-intentioned, this mindset shifts the focus of your body’s value from God to someone else. It’s time for a reframe.
What Does the Bible Actually Say About Purity?
Let’s set the record straight: your body is not a gift to someone else. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
The focus isn’t on your future spouse—it’s on honoring God. Purity isn’t about being “worthy” of someone else; it’s about being faithful to God and stewarding the body He entrusted to you.
Reframing Purity
The problem with the “save yourself for marriage” narrative is that it ties your value to a future that may or may not happen. What if you never get married? What if you've had sex before and repented? What if your marriage doesn’t turn out the way you hoped? Does that change your worth? Of course not.
Purity culture often misses the point. The goal isn’t to abstain for the sake of someone else but to honor God with your choices. Romans 12:1 (ESV) says, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
This isn’t about denial or shame; it’s about worship. It’s about living in a way that reflects your relationship with God.
Teaching What to Do, Not Just What Not to Do
I just watched the greatest video from the influencer, @MrChazz, he was sharing how when you just kids "Don't...XYZ" all the really here is "XYZ". Telling kids “Don’t, don’t, don’t” isn’t helpful. It’s more effective to tell them what to do. The same applies here. Instead of framing purity as a “don’t,” let’s talk about how to honor God with our bodies:
1. Abstain for God, Not Others
Your choices should reflect your faith, not a sense of obligation to someone else. Hebrews 13:4 reminds us, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Abstaining honors God, whether or not marriage is part of your story.
2. See Your Body as a Temple
Treating your body with care isn’t just about avoiding sin—it’s about recognizing its sacredness. Your body is God’s dwelling place, not a future partner’s.
3. Shift the Focus to God’s Glory
Purity isn’t about shame; it’s about joyfully living in alignment with God’s design. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”
Letting Go of Shame
If you’ve ever felt like you’ve “failed” because of your choices or circumstances, hear this: your worth is not tied to your past. God’s grace is bigger than any mistake, and your value is found in Him alone.
Let’s move forward with a healthier mindset about purity—one that’s rooted in honoring God, not proving our worth to someone else. As we reframe the way we talk about purity, let’s commit to seeing our bodies the way God does: as temples of the Holy Spirit, made to glorify Him. Whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between, let’s honor God with our bodies—not out of obligation, but out of love and gratitude.